: a window left open, the clammer, halt, and spur of construction trucks; humidity and its 8:30 in the morning; Bills, Bills, Bills loops in my mind for the next few hours while I wade in the shallow end of sleep; to go or not to go; train to Sapporo, A. just makes it last minute; the caramel store in the JR Tower basement, the one with the usually long lines; HMV for Abnormally Attracted to Sin and a Japanese single for a song called 名前の無い色, listening to it on a station; Boycott and bought pants with a zipper in the back that opens just because; Right On and Uni Qlo; dinner in a small restaurant with huge portions; Kinokuniya, outside all gray and dark water, the scent of spring, the cool air; fashion magazines, loud-talking western girls “I know where you’re going!” “I see pretty!”, comic book of Jesus and Buddha as buddies or brothers; Starbucks for ground coffee and a blended drink which I never get and I remember why, their sugar has such a horrible aftertaste I wonder why no one mentions it; train alone back home to write, which I do, for a bit and listen to music.
: in damaged Japanese I attempt to explain; inverted conditions of happiness; they wrestle in the grass outside; carry shovels to the flower beds; takoyaki in English Club; the post office to mail Mothers’ Day cards to Nana and Mom; they’ll be late; I look cute in a new blue sweatshirt; take the slats from the windows, disturbing spiders in the process; skim research on creationism; Vertigo but sleep is overbearing.
: the air is dust, wind, and petals; a pile of pink blooms gather in a corner by the 7-11; facing down procrastination; a shameful realization; how many people need to die before the lesson is learned?; a bike ride to Big House for red wine and red meat; the suburban, well-stocked aisles; freedom in movement off the grid of traffic signals; Concrete Blonde; a concoction of Australian meat and vegetables, enough to feed a family of four; The Weather Underground; those people remind me of people I know but not in a pleasant way; is it the 70’s all over again?
: it takes one swift movement to get the ground clear; oppression of the disorderly; the neighbors could be gearing up for a party, the tables are lined, the grill exposed; dandelions and wild daffodils; ebitenoroshi soba for lunch; bus ride anxiety stirs nausea; Sapporo Factory, wandering thirsty; T. found a cheaper theater and meet at the Junko bookstore; Finally, Milk on the big screen; all that has changed and all that has stayed the same; Prop 6 could be Prop 8; Anita Bryant and the states are the states of marriage; Harvey Milk needs more than a school and a statue; “I saw The Times of Harvey Milk on TV when I was in high school and it totally affected me.” made me want to move to San Francisco (and the Tales of the City mini-series); where are we now? I was the only man in the theater; amber streetlights, trees with leaves, a cool night in the city; does the station remember me? Heartbreak, all this beauty lends melting; after that movie, I realize, I have no reason to lose.
