Vessel Log: 2009 09 30

: a gripping feeling as the clock eases towards 4 PM; I can only relax in a classroom; after school recitation practice; cancel yoga instruction; gripped with a tiredness; go for soup curry to appease the chill and ward off the voodoo; Star Trek 2009 but I dose out before the end.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 29

: morning meeting, talk and discussion of influenza, perhaps irritation among the rank; the hawks move in closer to the parking lot.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 28

: one teacher is missing, neck related problems, in hospital for a few months; one student is made to wash his hair in a sink, then he’s walking out the door; no one tells me anything; it’s prying eyes and guess-work; after school work with S. students for recitation contest; dark walk home around 5:00 PM; slight, suburban rain; the leaves are blushing; Haruki market for lettuce, bread and mushrooms; R. on his bike, we chat in the drizzle about his cat, about getting together soon; tofu sandwich with near frozen tomato, a salad; Bat For Lashes: Two Suns; clatter of rain; finish the night with the comforting but lazy stories; Spooks and the Sopranos.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 27

: on the train, traveling while standing, listening to Middle Cyclone, mouthing the words; guy in mint coveralls, engineering patch, nodding out; read the Iliad and listen to Liz Phair; A. meets me at the station, hang outside of 7-11; a drink at O-Bar’s before karaoke, meet a man from Kenya, living in Sapporo, spinning records; Spotlight, 山崎ハコ, Single Ladies, Eternal Flame, Against All Odds, Clumsy; 星ポテ; back at O-Bar’s, the smoky dark, the boys on the microphone; tallsy rapping, a guy in a business suit, the lights come up; the bartender layered in LA tattoos, dark eye make-up, a baseball cap with patches and writing, wiry arms like nuts and bolts; ride to 7-11, the sun rises a dense band of orange against dark blue; another game of modeling before returning home.

* * *

: brief seconds of happiness when waking up, the comfort of chilled air, the sound of leaves and cawing crows; 11:30; text message from across the planet; immediate reaction is emergency; try to return to sleep but focused on potential disasters and airplane tickets; pajamas, junk food, crisp and wet pear, The Sopranos; an afternoon shower, throat scratchy, deep and used; need to disengage from the internet; Mariee Sioux; Hope Sandoval and a new album soon; outside the apartment I wait for A.; a patch of nightsky dense with starlight; watch satellites travel like dim roaming stars; one brightens slowly, stronger than Venus; maybe a missile; then dims before disappearing behind clouds; perhaps Iridium-39; soup curry is more delicious now than ever; Project Runway, FlashForward, Fringe; go to bed earlier than usual.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 26

: raisin toast with peanut butter, scrambled eggs, instant coffee; gathering clothes with day-wear, evening-wear in mind; Rudy’s shirt, gray blazer, pink sweatshirt, dark jeans, white belt; a Vivienne Westwood mission; at the station I worry about the gas stove; riding back and forth passing road construction; through the turnstile a group of four Y. students; I remove my sunglasses so they know who I am; Where are you going? I ask them. “Karaoke”, one boy answers, the one who always tells me he’s hungry and sleepy; T.’s able to meet for lunch; wait for her at the tables outside Starbucks near Daimaru; reading the Iliad, wondering if the man with the Sapporo map is capable; T. and I walk to the café, chatting about school; Lohas Raw Food Café: plate of salads, wraps, a chocolate frozen mousse; wander the Junkudo bookstore; wanting 2666 and others; T. and I part ways, go to Parco to peruse the men’s shops; We-Go; Sinners Café for a chicken burrito and a glass of wine; two British boys holding a new map, consulting the Northern Star of Sapporo Tower; we talk about places for live music, the North Island Bewery; wandering from impulse to impulse; stop at Lawson for a bottle of water and mints; walk to the Beer Inn for Sierra Nevadas; VH-1 Classics top 20 countdown for best soundtrack; winner being Rocky Horror Picture Show; then Dee Snider in Sturgis, South Dakota for a car race and live concerts; young girls and moms in a beauty salon below Hearty Café getting their hair did; upstairs reintroduce to S.; lingering over vodka tonics, conversations mixed and peppered; singing to myself, walking to the station.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 24

: does my phone really say 8:02?!; a hasty breakfast eaten in the style of Kobayashi the eating champion – bread in mouth, dissolved with liquid instant coffee; ride to the train station; lunch with 2-B; beating the rain, rode my bike to city hall to pay rent and my school lunch bill; gave BOE omiyage I brought back from Tokyo, banana treats; M. gives me a small Halloween bag with sweets she got at Tokyo Disney; stop at Tsutaya on the way home, picked up the Pet Shop Boys: Disco 2, Destiny’s Child: #1’s, and GReeeen; ebi-ten oroshi at soba restaurant; no Japanese class, or so I thought; got a text from H.-chan wondering if I was going; later I go back to Tsutaya, return CDs and flip through magazines, look at video games. Vouge Homme Japan; stop at A.’s, she picked me up a giant jar of peanut butter; we tell each other about our trips.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 23

: perhaps absolutely nothing; trip to the grocery store; buying okashi or not; simple construction of food product; endless streaming of the Sopranos.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 22

: singing in Fuji; the woman next to me is Japanese from Brazil and part Ainu; she sings Portuguese songs; J. buys rounds of tequila; not ready for home; take the elevator to Monsoon; not ready for home; the morning streets, concrete wet, party town in bed for the night: Sunkus for water and others who are winding down; walk towards the west and sniff my way home; in the subway station people sleep in shopping entrances, lines and groups of men, some in the early stages of homelessness, laying on strips of cardboard.

* * *

: don’t want to do this, don’t want to leave; a warm afternoon; J. and I spend the rest of my trip talking and laughing; eat lunch at Freshness Burger, tofu burger amazing; it can be lonely and exhilarating starting a trip by oneself; still get confused in Shinjuku Station; trains to Henade Airport; Tokyo Banana omiyage; never know which train to take at Chitose; 2 hours later I reach home.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 21

: let’s go shopping! or something like it; Tokyu Hands, up and down the floors looking for access to Kinokuniya; I need a new book having finished Oscar Wao; buffet lunch; the man next to us makes good use of his money, piling plates and going up for fourths and fifths; while waiting for J. this morning I started reading the fourth book of Stephen King’s Dark Tower series; foreigners in bookstores holding Dan Brown’s new hardcover; looking for Margaret Atwood or Stephen King; settle on the Illiad much to J.’s surprise; he recommends Steppenwolf and Cat’s Cradle; we browse, picking up books, enjoying cracking jokes; through the department store we look in on Vivienne Westwood and Burbury; flashy underpants for 3000 yen, a pair of purple fingerless gloves and matching scarf; Tokyo is quieter than most; pass through Tsutaya; Madonna’s Celebration posters, a plastic sheet nearly falls on J. and it’s possible that the staff believe I threw it at him; he rents Yamazaki Hako’s best of CD; back at his place I watch kids go to cram school from his balcony; we wait for M.; he arrives in pink shirt and shorts and sandals, tired from a day fo playing Dragon Warrior; we walk through Shinjuku towards a park lined with nice restaurants; one in particular serves gorgonzola and honey pizza; two bottles of wine, pizza, olives; there are tequila shots.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 20

: J. and I go to a closet-sized bar devoted to Nakajima Miyuki; Mama-san is a big guy from Okinawa, serves us Awamori, a strong kind of souchu that, after a while, makes me wince; I wander alone; 2-chome reminds me of the Castro too much and I return; the bar has been running for over twenty years; so small the owner needs to walk over patrons to use the restroom; back at Fuji; somehow I’m the sober one; I really need to hear Angela Aki; wandering home, he slurs and swerves; I stop for water and he keeps moving but I know he can’t get far; up ahead I see him ricochet like a pinball; laying down he apologizes.

* * *

: a lot of laying up in bed, I leave the house for a coffee but spend most of the day reading while J. sleeps; as he comes together we go to Sunkus for lunch; a curry noodle I should’ve microwaved, finding a pocket of jelly savor at the bottom; I tell him about the baby chicks at egg factories, how they discard the male chicks; we’re horrified and laugh through our disgust; talk of fish and their one eye; Subway later for dinner; back to Fuji; we grab some Italian food at a chain, pizza and antipasto; back at his place he plays Yamazaki Hako on endless repeat.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 19

: J. gets up for work on a Saturday; having laid cramped between his body and the wall I stretch out, sleep to 10; walk towards Shinjuku Station; at the Starbucks by the bank I drink a coffee and eat a pastrami sandwich while reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao; take the train to Ginza; tall buildings built on Louis Vuitton, Yves St. Laurent; a lavender Swiss cheese structure; Ginza Street was closed off, tables and umbrellas; a man with three Hokkaido dogs of a leash; a toy store with six stories, a dream come true had I been ten; walk and walk; Natural Lawsons is a Lawsons in beige; 2nd floor sushi restaurant order a lunch set and a bottle of sake; pine wood walls; the only one for a while; back in the streets I take the subway to Shibuya; crowds and people taking photos of the crowds; like Haight Street on steroids and hormones; turning a corner I see a salaryman proposition a woman wearing headphones; she’s been wearing the same clothes for a while and looked extremely tired; passed Love Hotel Casanova, the colors of a cartoon birthday cake; looking for a movie theater I remembered; weaving around curving streets; pachinko, foreigners, hats and jackets, neon and shopping, head shops and sex shops; the theater is showing The Limits of Control in 20 minutes so I buy a ticket; need to pick a seat from a chart; the walls are poured concrete, they sell potato chips and popcorn; the movie was pertinent to where I was, a foreigner in a strange country and city, wandering around on foot and meeting strange people; difficult getting in touch with J. by movie’s end; at McDonald’s he reaches me; we plan to go to Fuji; we meet a Disney dancer, who reminds me of K.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 18

: F-sensei gives me a ride home, she’s on her way to a meeting; we talk about the coming Silver Week; her son is bringing his girlfriend home for the first and she's nervous; I tell her I’m flying to Tokyo; she used to live near there; leaving the apartment dark and closed; my backpack and a tiring day; the train to Sapporo and then to Chitose Airport; watching people in furry ball hats playing Nintendo DS, drinking a beer, or using their cell phones; always, at Haneda Station, I never know what ticket to get or for how much; standing in front of a large board, all in kanji, and nowhere does it suggest Shinjuku; but the lines are run by different companies; pop my bag out from a crowd like a baby shooting into the surgical room; J. meets me near the Panda lockers; he’s tired, drank a few, and took a pill though its nearing 11:30 PM; stop at 7-11 for a couple of beers before walking back to his apartment.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 17

: in preparing for a sojourn to Tokyo I cancel my Japanese class and worry about my back which may have been injured during a strange stretching experience from yesterday; English recitation practice; A. comes by for a chat after class, she’s going with Emma and a boy from Montreal to northern Hokkaido.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 16

: getting ready I feel a little ill; miss my bus because of it; walk to S. on a beautiful morning felt great; look over the 20 page document of forms, numbers, and taxes; it never added my Japanese income as income; mountainous clouds of gray; more recitation contest preparations; “David, will you teach me English?”; walk through the festival; many 3-nensei girls in their blue/gray jumpers; a French Hot Dog; a K. student playing that wafer game; my name shouted through the crowd; two massive clouds that look like fighting toddlers; these fruit flies are driving me crazy; scrambled egg, tomato, and cheese sandwich; Aki picks us up for yoga; we stretch and pull; “Rotate the leg at the hip socket. Many toxins are stored there”; revenge of all those stretched and contorted Barbie dolls; the badminton kids watch us, amazed; this apartment requires too much attention.

Talking To Squirrels 02

Talking To Squirrels 01

Vessel Log: 2009 09 15

: observed lesson day; B. and I ride the bus together; during class I see J., E., and L. making their way from the train station; the kids do well; did the hardest question first by accident, thought we were running out of time but we weren’t; discussions follow, mostly in Japanese; breads and sandwiches at the good bakery; a nap before diving into my taxes; impossible questions, the sheer intensity of these forms; three hours in I turn on Turbo Tax; it’s still not right but I print anyway; at 10 I call it and resort to The West Wing, The Sopranos, and a bottle of wine.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 14

: on the bus I see the street running from city hall to the Sports Center is packed with tents; the festival is back; after lunch I help a student with her recitation contest; after school I make giant flash cards for the observed lesson tomorrow; maybe over tired, I nap on the couch, text messages from E., J. and A.; A. and I ride our bikes towards city hall; on the corner of route 12 and the Docomo I run into a few 1 and 2-nensei students; it’s great to see them in their non-school clothes, drinking Fanta, riding their bikes; colored t's with plaid shirts over that; the streets lined with booths; high school students in uniform and teased hair; parents with their young kids; A. and I eat on the curb by the Sports Center, okonomiyaki and fried potato; E. sits with us; we walk into the stream; pickled cucumber, spiral potato (nori and butter flavored), strawberry crepe, remone; play baby pachinko and a game involving a small wafer and a symbol that needs to be cut out; J. joins in after spending time with former students; everywhere I hear my name, shouts and hellos; a group gathers around; “What’s my name?!” “Is this your wife? Your girlfriend?”; at B.’s place he gives me a book B. left behind, The Erotic of Weimar Berlin.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 13

: salsa and mariachi fused with LA latino gangster rap; fantastic to dance to; the room is peopled with friendly faces; the drinks are plastic cups and refreshing; I like the DJ’s t-shirt, a close-up of Our Lady of Guadalupe with a model’s face and headphones; Toriaizu Boy rubs his hand down her face in hello; dancing mixed with standing, watching, swaying; a stop at 7-11 before home, inhale a cup of potato sticks.

* * *

: all this day, all this day, waiting for soup curry; afterwards we ride to see if A-Coop is open; I look for the casino poster; finding it by Seiyu I go to take a picture; a man and woman walk by, the man says ‘hello’; he sees me snapping the photo and says, “You have a good job.”; an accusation? a warning? Is the casino rigged? Dangerous? Maybe the poster is looking for applicants?; A. and I mull this over the rest of the strange way home; Lynchian, to say the least.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 12

: just shy of 9 AM; message from A. wondering if we should walk to Ayama Park; throw on some clothes, brush my teeth; snapping breeze and sunshine; we stop at Sunkus for breakfast – coffee, juice, onigiri; pass the construction workers; consulting a map printout J. rides up to us; the park is smooth greenery; we meet in a wood lodge for park golf; in teams we play the 9-hole course; I shoot my ball twice into the river; once wading feet first on slippery rock, my camera falls in; I enjoy my team; “A bit like pachinko,” a woman says. Do you like pachinko? “No, but my son does. Though he enjoys slot machines more.”; after two rounds we eat lunch together; a game of guess that national anthem; didn’t realize “My Country ‘Tis of Thee” is the same melody as the British national anthem; A. and I walk home with a member from her team, a special education teacher in Bibai; later we meet for the train; run into M. at the Starbucks in Stellar Plaza; we chat outside about Halloween costumes; Loft, then Don Quixote; a man browsing the French maid costumes, thin as a rail, shaved eyebrows, hairy arms; We Go, pants with sewn red plaid and suspenders, a black shirt; at Pete’s bar we order drinks and food; then a hunt for Buddha’s Bar; pachinko balls in the counter, a few raised to spell the name of the place; there are many times M. reminds me of J.; we three stand on the train, balancing; then A. and I sit, see a teacher I know, we chat to Iwa; A. and I go to Obar’s.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 11

: hard to imagine that 9/11 was eight years ago; I expected to have to address it in class but it never came up; meet K. 3-nensei for the first time; they ask me questions; one girl always wondering why my eyes are blue; do I have a girlfriend; who do I think is cool in the class; that I couldn’t answer and they were near insistent; a gift of school-grown edamame; then invited to the kitchen where students prepared a potato mochi and sweet edamame paste sweet; I help shuck with some boys; Is there an Edamame-man? “He is Edamame-man!”; we shell some, we eat some, we pinch the dark coats off the bean; there were rumors of a quieter evening, a dinner and karaoke, that never came to fruition; just as well, need to decompress.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 10

: we record the speaking test; at times like this it’s hard not to feel like a tool, or a shared pet; F.-sensei offers to give me a ride to the train station; head swimming, the walls vibrate in noise, but it’s cool and dark in here; in Japanese class we work on conversation skills; gather in the lobby; I need to leave. I need to leave.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 09

: I love it when the bread lady arrives on Wednesday; a pizza-like and pepperoni with (jam!) and a chocolate covered custard bun; cranky and contemplate canceling yoga class but go regardless; Aki talks about splitting up the Japanese class; preoccupied mind, the jamming attributes of responsibilities; fall out of pose; Afia and I stalk 7-11 for a delicious chocolate parfait.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 08

: restless dreams, drawing a number seven in blue chalk on a white board; agreed to a Saturday game of park-golf; my new nickname is Ponyo; give K.-sensei a copy of the Lady Gaga album; Remember that song I sung? You mentioned you liked it?; meet E. and L. for tonkatsu; a shop I’ve walked by many times but never been inside; clean and bright, cheerful, the opposite of what I assumed; upgraded our entrees to black pig; savory miso, perfectly breaded and fried pork cutlet with a haystack of shredded cabbage.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 06

: later we weave from 3-jyo-dori, looking for interesting lights; Atlas by the station, plywood doors, wide floor space like an unfinished basement, pool table, dart board; “Thank you for coming to Hokkaido. Now I have the opportunity to meet foreigners,” said a patron; the bartender is an alumnus; then we go to Star Beach; busy night and we are alone for a while, order food and drinks; a guy sits with us, I dig him for information about himself; the silver light of morning.

* * *

: rain befitting for aftershocks of a food and drink evening; later in the evening we meet for soup curry.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 05

: empty bus at 7:28 on a Saturday morning; they ride in packs; girls in dowdy, Puritanical navy blue; boys in classic white dress shirt and navy blue pants; a pink folder libretto, the words written in block and fine English; “Can you sing Ponyo? But sing it very poorly?”; a compact CD player, play the music and sing along; “Yes, but louder and very poorly.”; for the teacher’s skit, myself N.-sensei and T.-sensei will perform "Ponyo" wearing Ponyo cut-outs on our heads; we practice in the special education room; 2-nensei and their ghostly, bloody labcoat play; the boy in the duck-ghost costume crashes into the desk; riddled with Japanese gestural comedy; Chorus arrangements; 1-nensei sing フィニクス, 2-nensei sing 時の旅人; during lunch two 2-nensei girls sing Angela Aki’s 手紙; then 3-nensei rock band; get lunch from the home ec room upstairs with my coupons; onigiri, orange juice, espresso and milk, chocolate cake; 3-nensei play about anime characters and a bloody war; sawing legs off; Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask; teacher performance; K.-sensei asks me to guard the door for her while she gets changed; she comes out looking stunning in a red dress and pink shawl; not bad for a woman in her sixties; our Ponyo song goes over well; H.-sensei as crazy teacher in red wig, shorts, and a body stocking; K.-sensei sings to piano accompiantment; K.-sensei performs her “debut”; the mics go out; H.-sensei sings a song from Evangelion; K., M., (dressed in school uniform) S., and O.-senseis address the audience; O.-sensei makes a weird face and gesture like, “Wha-Wha-Wha What?!!?” like a cartoon; F.-sensei does a short rowdy speech; K., U., and I.-sensei perform a Yazima Beauty Salon song in full drag and dance moves; moving ping-pong tables across the gym; music room is locked and the search for the key; rearranging chairs; meet at the same restaurant from last year; everyone looks exhausted but happy; the fish has teeth; “It’s to gnaw on barnacles.”; conversation turns to pet food; “People from countries where they eat dog and cat get confused in different countries when they see labels for cat food and dog food. They believe it to be cat meat or dog meat.”; O.-sensei arrives to applause; she tells a story that almost leads her to tears; an empty, polished piano bar; karaoke, “Ziggy Stardust”; “Do you know Queen?”; so I sing “Bohemian Rhapsody”; “Poker Face”; K.-sensei says she likes that song; meet O.-sensei and some other teachers; always feels awkward, like I’m cheating on one school with the other; call A.; we settle into a soba restaurant and she meets us there.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 04

: gray and cold, unlike last years suffocating heat; Hansel and Gretel by the English Club; cannibalism, attempted infanticide; beware the strong woman, she’ll either push to abandon children or will lure them in with sweets to eat them; a play about a girl who steals a CD; a play about a classroom, love and death; girls chorus was a crystalline arrangement; lunch in the gymnasium, Bingo; onigiri baskets, sweet breads, CC Lemon; the numbers are called; karaoke and dancing competition; arm wrestling; crossdressing skit; last minute touches on the installations; a giant model of the school; 2B’s haunted house is haunted; a darkened room, floating paper walls; a dragon cramped in one room; though tired I ride to the station with A. to meet with Akemi; she takes us to her favorite izakaya; down the alley I always hear enka karaoke; eat lightly crunchy shrimp whole; “It’s the eyes,” A. says; sashimi sanma, tofu cheese au gratin, edamame, fried potato, chicken, tuna salad; drinking chu-drinks; tomorrow will be Saturday but there’s another festival to attend.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 03

: festival preparation all day; in the music room I help hang artwork; “You can use the ladder,” T. says. Please ask me to do anything. Ladders scare the s*** out of me; the boys snap plastic tabs to a dangling wire; 1-nensei signs about their hobbies, 2-nensei and their geometric 3-D landscapes; 3-nensei with MC Escher inspired dot drawing; catch an episode of Weeds when B. knocks; together we go to soba and then to Japanese class; B., A. and I go to Tlida for a few drinks; B. The Enabler; “One more for the roads.”; on the road I see a new sign; Café Poppers, lit against a concrete wall; we climb the stairs and open to a small bar peopled with construction workers; the walls painted Valentine’s, textured in French number words; a small plate of tempura fishes, seaweed and ika, cheesy popcorn; the owner comes out from behind a curtain, a bag of popcorn stuck to the hem of skirt; “Chotto bikkuri,” she says; she’s nervous; the place just opened, brightly lit, homey; as we leave she hands us a wrapped box, heavy, a present; we thank her, she thanks us; we ride our bikes home.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 02

: busy day correcting notebooks and workbooks; their preparations take up the after lunch spot; giant Anpanman, a massive dragon in the room, haunted houses, newspapers, play rehearsals; at home I make a quick dinner of toast with tofu, tomato, onion, green peppers on top; inhale; A. and I ride across the tracks to yoga class; Aki compliments me on my poses, “You’re getting better after 3 months,” she says; in the 7-11 A. and I mull around, she’s looking at lunches for tomorrow, I’m picking up, holding, scrutinizing ice cream; settle on a box of chocolate covered almonds.

Vessel Log: 2009 09 01

: further preparations; 2-nensei mosaics of a Japanese rooster print, the wave woodblock, and a woman lounging in a purple blanket.